A Grandmother's Soul

I found this on my old computer as I was cleaning it out and getting it ready to trade to someone. The words are from 2001, but they hold true even today.

Being new to the prospect of ‘grandmother-hood’, I’m still working on developing my ‘soul’ for the job. In fact, I’m not even fully indoctrinated as yet. My first grandchild is still in the creation.

So where does the ‘grandmother’s soul’ begin? For me, it began when my beautiful but tumultuous seventeen-year-old daughter approached me one evening at bedtime. That just happens to be her favorite communication time. Perhaps I’m more affable when I’m comfy in my pajamas and snuggled up under the comforter than I am when I’m fully dressed and at my desk. This particular chat was to hold the statement that would forever alter my ‘mother’s soul’. Creating a new world and a changed perspective on life. The words that came haltingly out of her mouth, I think I’m pregnant. Held a full five minutes of shock.

When asked what brought her to that conclusion without any formal testing, I was dutifully informed that she was ‘late’. When I asked, ‘how late’, being further informed… two months, clinched the deal pretty solidly. A quick trip to the doctor confirmed all suspicions and the new life inside the life I created, began a new journey for me as well.

As a writer, I have many readers, some of which I speak to quite frequently as I spend most of my days on-line. Many of these readers are very young and I take great pride in helping them in their lives, being a part of their lives, and the fact that in a few cases, it was my writing that developed a love of reading in them.

One young woman, a fifteen-year-old who reads all my work with great fervor, asked me when I happily informed her that I was to be a grandmother, how I felt about it. She asked if I didn’t yell and scream as she was sure her parents would, even going so far as to say, if that ever happened to her, her father would kick her out of the house. Believe me, I’m sure those thoughts and worries crossed my daughter’s mind as well.

When I told her that I didn’t ‘hit the roof’ and that I was happy even though, of course, I would have preferred different circumstances, she was quite stunned. I asked her what good it would do if I were to be angry with my daughter for her ‘surprise’ (I refuse to call this beautiful new addition an accident). She couldn’t answer that. When I told her that I adored my daughter regardless of any mistakes she makes in her life, she cried.

That’s when it occurred to me that we spend far too much time putting unnecessary pressures on our children. Sometimes we forget that we were children once ourselves. We made all the same mistakes. Perhaps we came through them without consequences. Maybe we didn’t but are just so determined to have them be protected from the same consequences that we try too hard. Actually, even as a thirty-something adult, I still make plenty of mistakes. I sure hope the people in my life that love me will not hold them against me, and know that I’m a good person, worthy of love in spite of my human errors.

So this is where I find myself, developing my grandmother’s soul and holding on to the most precious gift in my life, my children. No matter where they take me along the path of life, so long as we walk together I know it will be a good trip.